Do the Hard Thing

I walked away from God somewhere around 2008. After growing up in church, I made the decision to stop following Christ, turned on my heel, and walked away. Over the next fifteen years, I climbed mountains in the scorching sun and walked through cold, scary, sunless valleys, on a quest to get back to Jesus. I had fallen a lot further away from Him than I realized, and it took a lot longer to get back than I ever imagined it would.

I made up my mind in 2023 to chase God with everything in me. I started listening to only Christian music, I went back to church, and attended regularly. I began praying on my 50-minute commute to work, and I read my Bible every day on my lunch break. This was the beginning of something wonderful.

Now, I work from home, so I dig into God's Word every morning, and we have coffee on the porch after that. My relationship with Jesus has changed so much. He is no longer religion and rules. He is my Father, my Savior, my Helper, my best Friend, and the One who loves my soul.

My relationship with Jesus has never been this good. If I had chased Him like this before I walked away, I would never have walked away. He promises in Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Proverbs 8:17 says, "I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently find Me."

I found Him!

I was also found BY Him. I was that lost sheep. My Shepherd left the ninety-nine sheep on the mountainside and came and found me. He pulled me out of the miry clay, brought me back to the fold, cleaned me up, and anointed me with His oil. He has restored my soul.

Jesus had a lot of broken pieces to put back together in my life. Fifteen years of living apart from Him left me damaged. But the Creator of all things did not hesitate to begin His work in me. A piece of brokenness here, a shard of woundedness there. He has started a new work in me. He is faithful to see it through to completion. (Philippians 1:6)

The time spent in the Master's hand is not something I want to hurry along. His process, although painful at times, has been met with an astounding deepening of our relationship covered in an unexplainable peace. I am not quite ready to move on from this special time with Jesus.

On this journey, I have learned that the closer I get to Jesus, the more willing I am to lay aside my desires and do what I feel He is calling me to do. That is really how you know the Holy Spirit is working in you. Our flesh doesn't want to do hard things. Hard things can be helping others when you really just want to go home. It can be listening to other people's problems when you are struggling, too. It can be getting up an hour earlier so you can spend time with Jesus before work. Fasting was one of those hard things I felt to do.

Fasting is an act of worship. It is laying down what I want, what I need, and seeking the heart of God. In Isaiah 58:6, we see what the Lord wants to accomplish when we fast. "Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?" I still had yokes in my life that needed to be broken.

I began to think about possibly, perhaps, making plans to fast. I didn't just say, "I'm going to fast tomorrow." No. I couldn't. I had to think about it and develop a game plan. This kind of procrastination usually comes from not wanting to do the thing.

I thought about why I wanted to fast. I had two solid reasons that should have made it easy to get started. The first was to become more spiritually in tune with Jesus. Wanting to walk in deliverance, healing, signs and wonders, etc., I knew this was something I had to do. The second was to heal my body. Intermittent fasting (usually less than 24 hours) is known for its healing benefits, but long-term fasting (usually 24+ hours) is next-level healing.

I had fasted from sunup to sundown a few times. It is a lot easier to stick with a fast when you have a loved one in trouble or you feel the Lord calling for the fast. That wasn't easy at times, but I knew I would be able to eat before bed. I was still drinking my coffee with this fast, too. But I felt the Lord calling me to a 24-hour fast with only water. No coffee was hard enough, but I just couldn't bear the thought of going to bed hungry or waking up in the middle of the night with my stomach growling.

I started a 24-hour fast a couple of times, but made excuses not to follow through with it. That was strange to me because, usually, when the Lord tells me to fast, I fast no questions asked. I began to wonder what was holding me back. Maybe there was some underlying trauma from childhood that made me afraid to not be full at bedtime. I began to worry a little that maybe there was something deeper keeping me from doing what I felt the Lord was calling me to do.

One morning, as I was getting out of bed, I heard the Lord say, "Ask Me." I knew what He was talking about. He wanted me to ask Him why it was so hard for me to fast. Because it was so hard for me to move past this, I figured He was going to show me trauma that I had suppressed or maybe unforgiveness that was preventing a breakthrough. I did not expect the answer that came.

I said, "Ok, Lord. Why am I having a hard time fasting?"

He said, "You are addicted to comfort."

I thought I would have a good excuse not to worry about fasting right now. As it turns out, I don't want to be uncomfortable! I want my belly full so I can sink into my bed, snuggle up, and sleep soundly all night.

Honestly, I was disgusted with myself.

After repenting, I began to study what it means to sacrifice. I quickly realized how truly addicted to comfort I have been. Hebrews 5:7-8 says, In the days of His flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to Him who was able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverence. Although He was a son, He learned obedience through what He suffered.

If Jesus learned obedience through what He suffered, why would we not have to suffer also to learn? I began to pray about this, asking the Lord to help me overcome this addiction to comfort. A few days later, I was lying in bed, talking to the Lord. He showed me that I was not only addicted to comfort, but I was addicted to comfort from food.

Ahhhh…now it has become an idol.

I have eaten tons of food because I was depressed and worried, oh, and sad. Well, when I was happy, too. And angry. Bored, definitely when I was bored. Lonely for sure. Yep, an idol. Anything we rely on to meet our needs that is not God is an idol. Jesus is the ONLY One that can truly meet our needs. Anything else brings sorrow and judgment.

Hosea 8:4 says, They made kings, but not through me. They set up princes, but I knew it not. With their silver and gold, they made idols for their own destruction.

They made idols for their own destruction…

THAT'S the problem with idols. Having been diagnosed as morbidly obese (meaning danger to overall health) tells me that this scripture is true. Turning to food for comfort has taken me down a destructive path, physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

In Matthew 16:24-25, Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

I began to ruminate on this scripture. Deny himself. Take up his cross. Follow Me. Deny himself. I read these scriptures over and over, thinking about what Jesus was saying. After looking up these scriptures in the interlinear study tool, here's how it reads to me now:

Then Jesus told His disciples, "If anyone would follow after me, let him forget himself, lose sight of himself and his interests; take upon himself the cross and carry what was raised to bear; and do not hesitate, cheerfully and manfully, to bear persecutions, troubles, and distresses, and cleave steadfastly to Me in living and, if need be, in dying also. For whoever wishes to preserve his physical life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will obtain it."

This is the interlinear study of Matthew 10:38-39, Jesus said, "Whoever does not take the cross upon oneself and hesitates to, cheerfully and manfully, bear persecutions, troubles, and distresses, and does not cleave steadfastly to Me or conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also is not worthy of My fellowship and of the blessings connected with it."

Matthew 16:26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

I repented several more times for things I had not realized were in my life, standing between me and Jesus. Repentance is humbling. It says you are broken and need the Savior. It is a turning from what you have been doing and walking in another direction. That is exactly what I did. I made a commitment to the Lord and to myself to do the hard things. Comfort makes you passive. You cannot be passive and serve God. Passivity is being lukewarm.

God, speaking to one of the churches, says, in Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." In the Strong's concordance, lukewarm metaphorically means "the condition of a soul wretchedly fluctuating between a torpor (lethargy or apathy) and a fervor of love." Passivity. Spiritual laziness. Let us repent and turn from passivity!

One of the most awesome things about our Lord is that He will show us where you need to change, then He will change us. All we have to do is humble ourselves, repent, and ask Him to change us. We are not capable on our own. If I were capable of changing myself, I would have lost weight YEARS ago and kept it off. I can't fix myself. I need my Savior.

I am happy to say, after going through this process, I have been able to do 24-hour fasts. Not to toot my own horn but to demonstrate how God will absolutely help us overcome the obstacles in our lives. God is faithful, even when we are not. There is nothing too big or too small for God. He loves us passionately and looks forward to helping us. Whatever you struggle with, ask Him to help you. He will!

Galatians 5:16-17 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.